So I have not blogged in a really long time. I have been living a super busy life the last few weeks. Sofeya is so close to walking i bet in no time she will be, it kind of makes me sad because i just feel as though it was yesterday i was bringing her home for the first time, man does time fly! She is getting so big shes about 16 lbs and I'm not sure how tall but she is very tall for her age, she will be 9 months old on June 5th and on June 6th is her check up we will know for sure then! I hate check ups because when she gets her shots it makes me feel so bad for her and i feel angry with the nurses because i feel as though there hurting my baby but i know there not and these are good for her and her health. Marcus told me he loves Sofeya and when he told me it made my heart melt, The man i love loves me and my daughter and i couldn't be happier than i am with this little "family" i have at least that's what i like to call it, Sofeya is not his but sometimes i wish she was, her dad is not around, he never calls never texts to see how she is doing. He pays his child support and that is it and when i ask him why he doesn't he says its because of me because I'm so mean to him, that shouldn't matter, if he showed more effort i wouldn't be so mean. He says he cant afford to come and get her and thinks i should be bringing her half way because that is what hes paying child support for, well in my opinion and the way i feel about it is that i should not have to go half way, its his visitation his responsibility, after how him and his girlfriend has treated me in the past i don't feel like being nice to them and helping them out, neither one of them have treated me with respect. He tells me hes going to take me to court but what i don't understand is how can he afford to take me to court about the issue, and can afford to come all the way to Appleton for court, but cant afford to come and pick up his daughter, i don't think he really is because i have yet to see court papers in the mail, i think hes just trying to scare me but its not going to scare me, he says I'm keeping Sofeya away from him but I'm not he can come on his weekends to see her or if hes in town he can easily call me up to see her but he never asks, and i don't feel its my responsibility to ask him if hes going to come and pick her up. he hasn't seen her since January that's 4 months almost 5, shes grown so much since then hes missing out on the most precious time of her life, she doesn't know him, she calls Marcus Dada and yes that makes me happy and yes i did say i wish she was his but that is because he is around and he is the male figure in her life that she needs but it makes me sad because when she gets older its going to hurt her, shes going to wonder where her dad is, how the hell do you explain that to a child, i have no clue, if any of you do please enlighten me! I may be mean to him but that is because i hold so much resentment against him from the past and now its because he is pretty much disappeared out of her life and it hurts me. I try every time i talk to him to hold back my feelings toward him for our daughter but its so hard when he says stupid stuff and tells me what i should be doing, i let him control me and my life for far too long I'm not going to let him continue to do it.
Well on a brighter note Sofeya says two words mama and Dada, she also goes mmmm when she eats something she likes. Sometimes ill catch her eating the dog food for some reason she likes it, i hate that because i hate sticking my finger in her mouth to get it out. She can be a little brat lol ill see her pick up the dog food and almost put it in her mouth and ill say Sofeya NO and run over by her but before i can get her she puts it in her mouth looks at me and goes mmmm! She definitely has my attitude lol. She also will move her hand away if you try to take something away, its so cute but at the same time i have to teach her right from wrong and have to tell her no. Shes always laughing, smiling, playing, shes such a good baby hardly ever fussy, she also sings along with the music in the car and shes so incredibly smart. I have gotten very lucky with her and i couldn't imagine life with out her i love her so much shes the sunshine to my dark days, i look forward to leaving work everyday because i know in a few short minutes ill be seeing her smiling face, when she sees me you can tell she has missed me she will push away from others to come by me and for me to pick her up and i cant walk out of room without her because she cries. Last night was the most precious moments of all she was sleeping and it was getting late so i decided to wake her up because it was just a nap and i did not want her not sleep at night but she didn't want to wake up so she laid on my chest and slept some more so i thought well she needs a diaper change so i went to change and it she woke up but she layed on my chest and watched TV with me no fussy to go play or to be put down, it felt so precious and nice for my baby to finally let me hold her for a long period of time like when she was a newborn, it was one of those picture perfect moments!
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